Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Oldies but goodies

A little humor as I relax from a grueling trip....working on the write up...will be up later this week.

- A good simulator check ride is like a successful surgery on a dead body.

- Asking a pilot what he thinks about the FAA is like asking a tree what it thinks about dogs.

- An airline pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.

- The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as a copilot, is a copilot who once was a captain.

- Experience is gained through making mistakes. Mistakes are caused by a lack of experience

- Hand-flying an ILS in a gusty crosswind is easier than adjusting the shower controls in a layover hotel.

- A smooth touchdown in a simulator is as exciting as kissing your sister.

- Most airline crew food tastes like warmed-over chicken because that's what it is.

- Everything is accomplished through teamwork until something goes wrong . . . . . then one pilot gets all the blame.

- Standard checklist practice requires pilots to read to each other procedures used every day, and recite from memory those which are only needed once every five years.

- A crew scheduler has to be the kind of person who wakes his wife at midnight to carry out the garbage, then sends her back to let the cat in.

- Unlike flight crew members, jet engines stop whining when the plane arrives at the gate.

- A dispatcher's desk has never run out of fuel.

- An FAA investigation is conducted by a few non-flying experts who take six months to itemize the mistakes made by a crew who had six seconds to react to the emergency.

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